


Lagrangian Mechanics

by marcelo



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Also Everybody Else, Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 22:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcelo/pseuds/marcelo
Summary: This is Bruce. When he was eight, he wanted to see "The Mask of Zorro" but he got the flu and they didn't go. Poor Bruce.





	Lagrangian Mechanics

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to marag@livejournal.com for betaing.

This is Harvey. He is Bruce's best friend. Harvey studies to be a lawyer. Harvey's dad used to hit him. Harvey hates everybody who hurts other people. He doesn't like coins.

Bruce studies to be a businessman, like his father. He wants to be the richest man in the world to make his parents proud of him.

This is Bruce being CEO of his father's company. He is very, very good. He knows all about numbers and cashflow and laws, and also how to break them and get away with it. 

Harvey is no longer Bruce's best friend.

Bruce goes to the gym a lot, so he can work for hours and hours and hours. Bruce's father is very proud. Bruce's mother thinks that he should find a girl and marry. 

This is Selina. She has sex with people for money. She charges a lot and doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. She likes her job, and going to museums. Bruce always takes her out when he's hiring her. Bruce is a good customer.

This is Tim. He is in love with a trapeze artist. He runs away from home all the time to see the circus. Tim is smart. He can run away to other countries, even, but they always catch him because he always goes to the same circus.

This is Dick. He likes Tim, and always buys him ice cream before sending him back to his home. Tim's father doesn't like Dick, but he likes Pop Hayley. Nobody knows why.

This is Edward. Edward is very smart, but he doesn't like to think about things that bore him. Patents bore him, so Wayne Enterprises ripped off his inventions and didn't pay him. 

This is Tim's father promising Tim that, if he doesn't run away again, he will let him go see the circus as often as he wants when he gets his high school degree. Tim's father doesn't know about the special schools where you can get your high school degree in one year if you are smart enough. Tim sleeps the minimum necessary to keep his brain working right and goes to the circus as often as he wants.

This is Oswald. He is a very good businessman, too. He breaks the laws like Bruce, but he's a little bit worse at it. Oswald had to go to jail for a few weeks. Oswald thinks Bruce arranged it. Oswald hates Bruce. Oswald is right.

This is Barbara. She is a librarian, and also a policeman. She goes to the circus every time it comes to town and sleeps with Dick. Tim hates her a little.

Barbara's dad is a policeman, too. He wants to put Bruce in jail, sometimes. He smokes a lot, and plays darts with Harvey.

Tim manages the circus finances. He is very good, and Pop Hayley pays him lots of money. Pop wanted Tim to go to college, but Tim said no. Pop told Dick to tell Tim to take at least a distance degree.

Dick said to Tim that he had to study, because Tim was taking care of Dick and all his other friends. Tim said yes and studies a lot.

This is Jack. He wants to be a clown, but he's not very funny. Pop hired him to be Tim's assistant. Tim says that Jack is smarter than he knows, but is sad too often. Jack is a bit scared of Tim.

This is Bruce watching Gotham from his office's window wall. There is lots of crime in Gotham. Bruce's company sells guns and things like that to the police. Soon, they will sell them to police in other cities, and even the army. Bruce is very rich, and will be even more rich.

Bruce is calling Selina to celebrate.

Bruce is happy.

**Author's Note:**

> The choice of language and format was neither deliberate nor accidental: the story -the very first phrase- popped up in my head just like this. It's very "See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, Run!", and, for some reason, that just felt like the natural way to write it. I just don't know why.


End file.
